Bring others into your headspace
Many of the people around you won’t have experienced what you’re going through, and so they can only imagine what it’s like. They love you and will want to help, and sometimes this means they’ll guess how you’re feeling and what you need from them.
I found that some people were able to tune in so well, that what they said or didn’t say was perfect and just what I needed in that moment.
Other people, with the best of intentions, were just way off. It’s not easy to hear someone ‘giving you up’ on your behalf, assuming that you will have given up too. Other people may even feel compelled to give you advice on what you need to prepare for, ‘pre-your-doom’.
For these people, as best you can, hold on to the good intentions that are likely to be driving their advice. It’s useful to remember, that the best of intentions aren’t always matched by the best of skills!
THEN, bring them into your headspace;
- Thank people for their intentions
- If you see your situation differently to them, tell them you see it differently and if needs be, ask they respect your view
- Mind reading doesn’t work, so don’t leave what you need from them to chance, describe it specifically
- Let them know that if they can’t operate with you in your headspace, they need to stay away or at least keep their thinking to themselves
- Refresh as and when you need to – your own space may change, so let people know
Some people may not like this, but this ‘shits’ happening to you and not them, so set the rules and let them know how you need them to operate. At the same time, we can all operate with our ‘blinkers on’ at times, so be open to challenge here and there!
About these strategies
Welcome. These strategies are for people who’ve been diagnosed with a terminal or life threatening illness. If that’s you, I’m sharing them because I know something about what you’re going through, they helped me and so maybe they can help you too.